Shatter

An image flashed across my mind when i added the title into this blog. Olden times soap operas where the actress, with teary eyes, tell the #$&^%#%$mother f er actor her heart is shattered into a million pieces. I've always laughed at such a comparison. How could a heart shatter? Piece of crap!!
Today, my heart shattered. Technically, how it does it's deed, I do not know. The shattering is an intense feeling of pain in..really in the heart. You feel a void, so big, so deep, you do not know wat to do, how to hang on. Life goes on, you say. Yes, i agree, but can minus the pain?!?
Truly, how do you tell about a person? How do you know wat kind of a person this human is? Is he/she kind, filial, selfish, etc etc etc. What is a sheep hidden behind the mask of a wolf? Is baring of the heart so wrong that majority rather stay hidden behind a mask?
Is it also wrong to bare your heart and soul to someone you love and letting it get scarred after?!?
I'm a loner, afraid of more pain, more heart scarring to trust people. Yet I give it all to the one I truly love and trust. Baring it all, no holds barred. But.......resulting in more pain.
Mandy, why are you so fond of banging your head against walls? Why pain comes sauntering to me and i do not care to avoid it?!?
My name is Magdalene, let me have a chance to use it again. Let me have a lease of new life, so I can resume my identity once more!
Yesternight, my mum told me my youngest aunt just contracted 2nd stage cancer. She is someone I'm quite close to, yet I can't seem to react to the news. Why do I feel no pain, no sadness, no pity whatsoever?! I've always been feeling very numb, why?
I really don't understand. I'm a very emotional gal, someone who feels very much, yet I can't react to situations around me for some time already. Can someone prick me with a pin see if I'm capable of bursting?!?
Sorry, my thoughts are a jumble. This blog is a jumble. But wat's a blog for if I've gotto watch out for grammars and proper sentences.
Take it or leave it!