Letter for Xiao Gia

Its been a long long time since I've touched or update my blog. I've always put it off, giving excuses like no time, no energy. Yet my blog is the only place where I can put down my true feelings, tell stuffs that I've never told or wouldn't ever tell anyone.

Today, I woke up dazed, mind somewhat empty....yet, I, whether coherent or not, want to say something. Pls forgive me if I make no sense........

Death comes, whether you like it or not, sooner or later, young and old. There are stuffs or circumstance that you will understand. Like death comes when a person is old, is sick, involved in a tragic accident...

Admittedly, involving in a tragic accident will come too sudden....for the victim, as well as for the family, relatives and friends. However, its something in a higher plane that is unavoidable?....perhaps? fate? karma? Believe its all written out in the Higher Person's Book of Life and Death.......Its time to DIE man! Whether you like it or not.....DIE!!

.....A Friend, .....or rather....an ex-friend, threw himself off a block of flats on 17th Oct night. Irony 1: He stays at Beach road, abeit temporary, its still where he stays when he's alive. Maybe a 2-storey high shophouse doesn't answer to his search for commiting suicide. Mayhep he wont die, he might just break his legs.....(Hey, its all rite, you've already paralysed your hands, what's the big deal of paralysing another leg??) Oh yeah, back to the irony. He went off to Woodlands, yep, very very near where I stay, to bloody hell jump down! WHY? I'm near, xiao gia, bloody hell call me!! You might have just needed someone to listen. You know I won't talk, I'm always there as your listening ear. Pour it out, let it out, then have a good sleep and watch the sun come out again tomorrow! You told me that you can only talk to me on your family, your loss, then TALK! Don't leave me with the aftermath of cracking my head over our last conversation on Sat night, thinking whether did I even say or consoled you wrongly. Did I indirectly tell you to go walking into this path??! Did I not listen to you enough for you to last 1 more week before I'm there? Should I have done something? Said something more profound, more meaningful for you to find courage to live on? I'm just 1 street away xiao gia! Why make me feel greater guilt by not even calling me when you know I'll definitely be there?! WHY?

2: Did you continue taking the pills that you've promise me never to touch again? Did you or did you not?! WAKE UP and ANSWER my question!!!!!!!!!! I want to know if you were under the effect of drugs when you threw yourself down or were you absolutely sober! Life had not been easy on you......it may have indirectly or directly been caused by yourself.....but xiao gia, its not so absolutely bleak to the point of dying! WE all have our problems in life, big or small, we still have to continue finding the courage and the determination to pass another day! It may or may not be good, but as long as we still have breath left in us, we still have to carry on making the best out of whatever we have! I've told you that none of us can see or predict whats going to happen in the future. But more good may come out of it if you persevere long enough. You may not be able to locate or find your wife and kids now. Let it go temporary first, concentrate on improving your own life, they will be back someday! I've been telling you this time and time and time again, WHY didnt you listen? Nobody's life is perfect, we've all have our wounds, our scars....yet, these are what makes us stronger......xiao gia, why can't you comprehend this?? Why have you got to hurt your friends who truly care for you? Did you think that there won't be anyone who will even shed a tear upon losing you? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! Are you there last night, tonight or even tomorrow at your funeral? Did you see all the stricken faces, feel the silence at your funeral? Did you know how sad and hurt all of us are? What about those who hadn't gone, those who feel the same pain as we had felt? Did you even think about us??! Xiao Gia, what about your children when they were to come back here and found out that their father had commited suicide? You said you loved them more than your own life, how could you do that to them?!

I guess I do not have anything else to add on right now. I will be there tonight, Xiao Gia, tomorrow, I will send you off for the last time, we will all walk with you on this last path, after that, you will live in our hearts forever...........................