In Loving Memory of Bernie (1992 - 2007)

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

The Rainbow bridge is paved,
With love and a gentle hand

Built with kind loving thoughts
Painted with rainbow splash of colours

Leading the sweet, the innocent
to this quiet, peaceful land

Land where pain is non-existent
And life is pleasant and free.
There the old become young,
the maimed turned whole,
With food and water aplenty,
they'll run and play forever
amidst the green field and blue skies
at peace, they'll always be!

Specially for my dear Bernie,
Who passed on 28th Aug 2007, 2pm

You've led a good life,
Been a great and loyal companion,
Go on now across your rainbow bridge,
be happy always, play and eat well,
Your jie jie will miss you always!


Your couch is still there, smelling of you. Your food bowls, water bowls, bath towel, they're all there still. Your food, biscuits,are all there in the kitchen. I see your shampoo, scrub all still around,
Why aren't you?
The house is quiet, windows as usual, had been left slightly ajar for you, fan always on in case you get hot, the bathroom light always left on for you, in case the thunder came,
Where are you?
Nothing had changed Bernie, just that you aren't around anymore.

Remember we've spent lazy Saturdays at home, just you and me. You'd be forever sleeping or just walking around making sure all's right with the house. Then, I didn't know without you could be so quiet, could be so void.
I've always felt safe alone at home because I know, Bernie is around. You'd come barking at the door at the slightest sound or at the irritating salesman come calling. But lately, you've slept through it all, too old, too deaf and too tired. But still Bernie, you're there.
It is painful to see your stuffs lying around and smell you around but knowing that you'd never be back anymore.
Bernie you know, your so-call 'emotionless' jie jie is in pain, don't need anyone to know, just you enough. Last night I turn, half expecting to hear you pitter pattering up behind me. You'd walk passed my room and look in trying to see what am i doing inside. I see your brown eyes, Bernie, those beautiful brown eyes I'd never see again. I'd love to stroke your smooth head, to hold you close once more, but I know that I can't anymore.

I want to pay you a tribute, for being the best and most loyal companion for a long 15 years with us. For being there quietly, silently in this last few years. Your heart is big, not minding when we might be wrong. I want to tell you you've been loved and will always be loved. Thanks for all the time you've spent with us, all the patience you've had with us. You've tugged on our heartstrings more than you'd ever imagine. I've never known the kind of loss and emptiness that life without you can bring.

Bernie, jie jie love you and always will. I'm still grieving but I know in time to come, the grieve will pass. Your memory will always remain in me. I'll always miss you, I wish I had been there to hold on to you, I'm sorry Bernie...

Be happy, be well dear Bernie, you've been the biggest bond in the family and I love you always

The issue of Girls

Kekeke! Let's just say "hey Friend, just desserts!" For 3 years i know you, can never decide when you're ready to settle down, to finally be able to share yourself, your life. Then when i think you're finally able to ...(from what you told me), she isn't very interested. Heh heh! God's fair!! (for once). Ok ok lah, I wish the best for you, also for her, if she chooses to be with you. Who wouldn't? I really would like to see you finally settling down, have a family and finally have your very own family neuclus. Don't think by trying divert our attention here and there I'd not know how and what you're really thinking and feeling. (No such luck man!)
Anyway, a girl's heart, or rather, a girl is really very simple to read. Just pay more attention to emotions rather than logic or logical thinking, you'd not go wrong. Wanna know why guys always say women damn difficult to dicepher? Becuz you're using way too much logic in the relationship already. A relationship is a fusion of emotions, certain things are unexplanable, thus, logical thinking WILL definitely fail you this time round.
Look out for her signs, her body language, her speech, the way her eyes look at you. It's so very easy to read. If she's interested, she'd accept your invitation, dress extra careful, try to impress you in ways of a gentle, refined lady and of course, tells you she can make soup and housekeep for you! heh heh.
Be a gentleman, listen to her, don't try to interrupt her, try to act smart when sometimes she just needs a listening ear, not a solution.
However, I'm not sure I'm speaking for all the girls. I rather hope I'm speaking for at least 80% of the girls population. Just a gentle reminder, there are of course also a whole new batch of girls who are really just looking for a 'money-shaking tree', thus, my opinion does not apply to them.
Good luck guys!

Erghhhhhh......(grit grit)...YOU RABID CREATURE!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh, just gotto let it out! Want a taste of some more words I can conjure out?!!!MORDANTttt, CAUSTICccc, RANCOROUSsss, TRENCHANTttt, FOUL-SMELLINGggg, ACERBICccc, SUrlyyyy, WICKEDddd, BITCHhhhhhh, CHURLISHhhh, SLUTttttttttttt.....and it goes on. Got the mood yet? DAMN YOU MOTHER-F@#$%*& to HELL!!!! E is for EVIL, evil witch!!.....................
(Deep breath) OK, I'm done yelling.

I just finish reading a friend's blog. Which somehow calms me down a little. It's the melancholic July and August man. Bo pian, just melancholic, no reasons. N it flows around, like some air-borne disease. It infects everyone, affects everyone. But dun worry, it's just a disease, it'll go away. After some TLC, some doses of concern and pat on the back, it'll pass. Then, you'd develope some kind of anti-bodies against the disease, you'd get it back someday, but it'll be milder, you'd learn to handle it better. ...Now, isn't it right my friend?

Learn how to yell it out loud. If able to do it literally, tat's the best medicine. However, if can't, do it out LOUD, really really LOUD, in your blog. Why not?? This is one place I can safely lay out my heart, say things i really want to. So who's to tell me I can't YELL out in my blog?! Yup, like you said, sad that people around are feeling sad and basically down. But we're all around, aren't we? We are all lending a hand to those who needs us. Come on, we're mammals, we're social creatures, we need People around, we need to feel the companionship, don't alienate yourself.
Don't always think your problem is bigger than others, your problems just escalates if you keep feeling sorry for yourself. Reach out if need to, talking helps, sobbing helps, even just chilling out and talking nonsense helps too!!

Do that friends! It'll be better.

D-Mission accomplished.....for today!

I was smiling to myself, gleefully holding on to my 'precious' package of 4 boxes. Finally, I can tell others and myself, I've completed my so-called D-mission! Busily doing mathematics and who to give to in my mind, i almost missed my stop..
Even before i begin, I can tell this is going to be a very short blog. I don't care and don't give a damn. Just wanna tell all who is gonna read this blog....I've got my D already!!!heh heh!
Happy eating!

Time rushes by

It's already August. Gosh, how time flies. All I did was to close my eyes.
Sometimes I wonder, did the feeling fade somewhat, or I just got to the limit of my patience. Will it not pass by the somewhat dreary and deadly dateline of 3 years?
To come to think of it, does all romance fade into oblivion when it comes to the 3rd year?!
Sigh, this blog of mine seem to be so focus on my up and down romance, my oh so complicated feelings, my simply crazily raging hormones that keeps me in somekind of at times high, at times low, at times....very very low kind of mood.
Hmmm...I wonder, am I depressed? I do display some symtoms though. hee.
But, I'm clearly in thinking then most depressed patients. I can easily jerk myself out or give myself a mental slap to just snap myself out of the mental state.
It goes to show sometimes it's not really that good to be too matured or too realistic in this world. Once in a while, isn't it good to grasp for the helping hand others extend to you?! Come on, why must do everything yourself? Even on the brink of madness and depression, you gotto pull yourself together, all by yourself?!
SICKO!!
What the hell do I want? I want to be held firm, to stand stable and to be able to lean my head on someone's shoulder just for the heck of it!!
My poor dog Bernie is suffering. Heavy breathing, panting, not being able to eat all his favourite fruits and food. Looking at me with his big brown eyes, telling me he'd rather die than to suffer this thing call OLD AGE, the sickness, fraility and indignity that it brings with it. He'd sleep all day, but sometimes I'd just crouch down to look at him when I heard him snoring very loudly. But he isn't asleep, his eyes wide open, he's just trying very hard to breathe. He'd learnt to cope, can't breathe through nose, ok, I'll just breathe through mouth. Sometimes you'd hear him desperately gasping for breath, your heart will just break for him. He struggle sometimes on his feet, limping, (legs fell asleep after sitting too long) or just simply old age artritis, standing in front of his favourite sleeping couch, trying to get into the position to jump on it but somehow, even this little feat proves a little too much for him. Unable to tell if he'd even be able to manage this, he'd sigh and slip down on the floor to gaze up to the couch, knowing he'd try again and somehow maybe be able to do it on his better days.
Bernie, dear Bernie. I may only be living with you these past 3 years. I may not be as close to you as the rest of the family who had been living with you since you were a baby, but you had struck a cord inside me. Especially now that I see you deterioting day after day. I pray....Do give him whatever his doggy mind wants God, if he doesn't want to suffer anymore, then just fulfill what he wants. I want him to live a good long life, however he has a choice. He's no longer just an animal, he's part of the family. I sat with him late one night in his usual sleeping place. He's not asleep yet. I can hear his painful gasping of breath and I stroke his silky head. Bernie, are you ok? You feel painful? Can jie jie do anything to make you feel better? And I continued stroking him till he lay his head on his paws and fell asleep.
I cried that night.