Time rushes by

It's already August. Gosh, how time flies. All I did was to close my eyes.
Sometimes I wonder, did the feeling fade somewhat, or I just got to the limit of my patience. Will it not pass by the somewhat dreary and deadly dateline of 3 years?
To come to think of it, does all romance fade into oblivion when it comes to the 3rd year?!
Sigh, this blog of mine seem to be so focus on my up and down romance, my oh so complicated feelings, my simply crazily raging hormones that keeps me in somekind of at times high, at times low, at times....very very low kind of mood.
Hmmm...I wonder, am I depressed? I do display some symtoms though. hee.
But, I'm clearly in thinking then most depressed patients. I can easily jerk myself out or give myself a mental slap to just snap myself out of the mental state.
It goes to show sometimes it's not really that good to be too matured or too realistic in this world. Once in a while, isn't it good to grasp for the helping hand others extend to you?! Come on, why must do everything yourself? Even on the brink of madness and depression, you gotto pull yourself together, all by yourself?!
SICKO!!
What the hell do I want? I want to be held firm, to stand stable and to be able to lean my head on someone's shoulder just for the heck of it!!
My poor dog Bernie is suffering. Heavy breathing, panting, not being able to eat all his favourite fruits and food. Looking at me with his big brown eyes, telling me he'd rather die than to suffer this thing call OLD AGE, the sickness, fraility and indignity that it brings with it. He'd sleep all day, but sometimes I'd just crouch down to look at him when I heard him snoring very loudly. But he isn't asleep, his eyes wide open, he's just trying very hard to breathe. He'd learnt to cope, can't breathe through nose, ok, I'll just breathe through mouth. Sometimes you'd hear him desperately gasping for breath, your heart will just break for him. He struggle sometimes on his feet, limping, (legs fell asleep after sitting too long) or just simply old age artritis, standing in front of his favourite sleeping couch, trying to get into the position to jump on it but somehow, even this little feat proves a little too much for him. Unable to tell if he'd even be able to manage this, he'd sigh and slip down on the floor to gaze up to the couch, knowing he'd try again and somehow maybe be able to do it on his better days.
Bernie, dear Bernie. I may only be living with you these past 3 years. I may not be as close to you as the rest of the family who had been living with you since you were a baby, but you had struck a cord inside me. Especially now that I see you deterioting day after day. I pray....Do give him whatever his doggy mind wants God, if he doesn't want to suffer anymore, then just fulfill what he wants. I want him to live a good long life, however he has a choice. He's no longer just an animal, he's part of the family. I sat with him late one night in his usual sleeping place. He's not asleep yet. I can hear his painful gasping of breath and I stroke his silky head. Bernie, are you ok? You feel painful? Can jie jie do anything to make you feel better? And I continued stroking him till he lay his head on his paws and fell asleep.
I cried that night.