Lay me down...dust to dust, ashes to ashes...

It's a day, or rather a whole damn week of doubts, uncertainty and confusion. I still got so many questions to ask. Call me an emotional wreck, I don't care! I need answers!
Is your love so surface? So superficial?
What if one day I were to get seriously sunburnt? Dark skin, yucks right? You hate it right? What if one day I were to get really hurt, get sick, get fat?!
Would you still unconditionally love me? Would you still take care of me for the rest of your life?
Is your words and heart for real? I can't read, can't tell. I can only base on blind faith in you. Trust me, my road is tough, I'm stumbling blindly in the darkness with hands stretch out, hoping to finally be able to grasp something more solid, or maybe a glimpse of light out there, somewhere.
You said I've changed, mellowed down. Really? What if I'm just tired? Tired of wanting and hoping for something that I really don't think you're able to give. Don't worry, I'll not do things I'm not supposed to cuz I know it HURTS!!
I hate the world, my world. I want my solidity, my foundation....but where?
I'm a rock, solid, firm and trustworthy. You need me, I'll always be there, never failing. But this rock is crumbling, I need someone to hold the pieces together too..
Wanna get really really drunk, haven't done that for so long. I'm mature and realistic enough to know it's just running away from problems, but pls, let me be stupid for a day, let me put down my defences for just one night, let me get real and roaring drunk, let me fall unconscious and slip out of this world for just this night. Let me lay down my heavy armour of responsibility and defence and be truly truly bare for once.....pls...I am so tired.

Comics

Horoscope - Taurus - 25/07/07

My horoscope today is as follows:

Quickie:
Your optimism is stronger because your subconscious is full of positive thoughts.

Overview:
Sometimes there's no fathoming human nature -- the good sides and the bad. You get glimpses at all parts of the spectrum. It just reminds you how fascinating and full of possibilities this world really is.

How true!! (Ignore the possibilities part! SIAO!)

2nd portion: There's no fathoming human nature, the good and bad. Is anyone really really good or really really bad?!?
No, i guess not.

Humans are really fascinating creatures. They contradict themselves. Who are they? The ones that feel, behave and treat others as they really feel, behave and feel like treating or do they have different behaviours, feelings and treatment for each and individual humans?!

You can live like 100 years and still will not be able to fathom what makes a human?!

Somtimes I like to think of the humans in the lunatic asylum. Are they truly mad? Off their bonkers? Or just too tired to face up with the reality and cruelty of this world? I wonder....I feel their lives are much simplier...They just be mad or at least pretend to be mad! No one will pay any heed to them or hurt them. They're just outcasts of this world. Hmmm...not a bad idea isn't it?

Nowadays in the papers are people comparing property prices and in the frenzy of buying properties, perhaps...

Perhaps I should also follow suit:- hmmm...oh, don't be mistaken, I definitely do not have the means to finance 1 square foot of any properties anywhere now, but maybe book a place in Woodbridge for myself just in case....

In case I can't stand this world anymore.......:)

Shatter

An image flashed across my mind when i added the title into this blog. Olden times soap operas where the actress, with teary eyes, tell the #$&^%#%$mother f er actor her heart is shattered into a million pieces. I've always laughed at such a comparison. How could a heart shatter? Piece of crap!!
Today, my heart shattered. Technically, how it does it's deed, I do not know. The shattering is an intense feeling of pain in..really in the heart. You feel a void, so big, so deep, you do not know wat to do, how to hang on. Life goes on, you say. Yes, i agree, but can minus the pain?!?
Truly, how do you tell about a person? How do you know wat kind of a person this human is? Is he/she kind, filial, selfish, etc etc etc. What is a sheep hidden behind the mask of a wolf? Is baring of the heart so wrong that majority rather stay hidden behind a mask?
Is it also wrong to bare your heart and soul to someone you love and letting it get scarred after?!?
I'm a loner, afraid of more pain, more heart scarring to trust people. Yet I give it all to the one I truly love and trust. Baring it all, no holds barred. But.......resulting in more pain.
Mandy, why are you so fond of banging your head against walls? Why pain comes sauntering to me and i do not care to avoid it?!?
My name is Magdalene, let me have a chance to use it again. Let me have a lease of new life, so I can resume my identity once more!
Yesternight, my mum told me my youngest aunt just contracted 2nd stage cancer. She is someone I'm quite close to, yet I can't seem to react to the news. Why do I feel no pain, no sadness, no pity whatsoever?! I've always been feeling very numb, why?
I really don't understand. I'm a very emotional gal, someone who feels very much, yet I can't react to situations around me for some time already. Can someone prick me with a pin see if I'm capable of bursting?!?
Sorry, my thoughts are a jumble. This blog is a jumble. But wat's a blog for if I've gotto watch out for grammars and proper sentences.
Take it or leave it!